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If I write drunk or maybe even tipsy, am I more open minded, more willing to be vulnerable and share my most private thoughts?

I’m a reserved person. I am so reserved I have trouble making friends on social media and giving out compliments like candy when I don’t mean them. I don’t include comments on posts unless I am feeling it from the heart, and I never, ever, take it as just a mean to find followers. Even here on Medium, when I clap for a story, it is because, I genuinely love the writing or the message in the blog, and so for the same reason, the lack of claps for my story means to me that I am not doing good enough, but then again what is good enough?

Whatever I write is what am feeling from the heart at that precise moment I’m writing it. Maybe it’s something I heard from the news that gets me all riled up, or just a memory of when my mother was alive. I do this for money, and I don’t do it for money. The most I have made here is four cents, the rest of my time is spent writing short stories and entering contests.

I have resolved myself to the fact that this is not my way to make a living, so I do it out of love for writing mainly; but even then, it kind of hits hard when no one even glances at your stories. One of the contributors here that lifted my sails is Roz Warren. She doesn’t know it, but I have been following her on Facebook for a couple of years now. I first discovered her when I read one of her short stories. I didn’t know she wrote here on Medium and when she liked my one of my stories, I was over the moon. I mean, what are the chances?

Anyway, I have been analyzing my writing, maybe I’m too clinical and not opening up enough about myself, or my family, or I don’t show enough humanity, or compassion, and then I found an article about author’s who drank and wrote. Was that the reason that they were so successful? I mean, when you are drunk you don’t measure yourself, you put yourself out there, you expose all your weaknesses for all the world to see and so it is put down on paper; so it is recorded forever, even if no one reads it now, someone is bound to find it in the future especially in this day and age of social Media, and if it’s good, you’re glorified, but if it’s bad, it means constant humiliation every time it appears when you google your name.

I am a woman, and believe it or not I love Charles Bukowski, I read most of his books, except a couple that went a bit too far and so I stopped mid-way and returned to the library. I am a prude that way. But anyway, Bukowski was an alcoholic, but when I read his books, I can feel what kind of man he was, how he felt, what he went through, how in reality, deep down in his soul, he was a real good man but traumatized by an abusive father, and he poured it all out in his poetry and writing. And it helped me to see beyond his exterior. He wasn’t a good-looking man, and if I had seen him on the streets when he was alive, I would probably have crossed the street, but today, I wish he was alive, and I wish to have met him in person.

Another person is Jack Kerouac, a pioneer of the beat generation along with Allen Ginsberg. They laid it all on the line. Especially Ginsberg when he wrote Howl. Did alcohol and drugs give writer’s a sub-conscious license to expose themselves? To imprint their heart and soul on paper?

And everyone knows about Ernest Hemingway:

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Looking back, I noticed I was more loving, more apt to show my emotions when I have a beer or two, my husband says I’m too logical, too much like Spock, but I don’t want to become an alcoholic to be able to write.

I have a habit of double-checking myself, of not saying something that will insult or look down on my reader. I try to be as politically correct as I can humanly be. I can’t lie, I fear hateful messages or emails, and so I try not to be too biased in my opinions, but my method is not working. It is not raising the level of discussions I wish to encourage: To have people think instead of reacting; persevere all obstacles, and have faith in the good by exercising critical thinking instead of jumping to false conclusions without using their own educated discernments, and researching, asking, pushing for answers, and not sit back and be lead by the collar by false prophets.

Hey, I’m trying.

I guess, as writers we must be able to take chances, just write it down and let it go and see where it takes us; see how it affects people. My dream is to evolve morally, ethically and spiritually and be able to deconstruct it in writing; a way to leave people thinking, maybe have them double check their own perspectives and be a better person because of it. But I know I have a long way to go before I get there, in the meantime, I think I will just enjoy my beer with friends and learn to open up my sober soul when I’m alone — writing.

I like to share some personal experiences—helps me to gain some perspective and hope someone finds It helpful. Creative writer/Fiction and Non-Fiction.

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